Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Remembrance Services

15 October – Lauren Lockwood-Porter

The 15th of October was International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is a time to reflect on and acknowledge losses that have gone (and sadly often continue to go) unacknowledged. Faye Lougoon, a parishioner of St. Peter’s Eaglehawk, approached Dale Barclay and I about holding a remembrance service.

In Australia1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. And while there is an increasing awareness of the need to mourn and remember those little ones who passed too soon, there are still many people who have experienced historic losses which were never recognised and have never been spoken about.
The remembrance service creates a safe space for anyone whose life has been impacted by miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss to come together to reflect, grieve and remember the ongoing love they have for their babies, and to be comforted by the God who suffers with us.

It can be challenging to know what to say or how to respond in the face of such heartache, but remaining silent can also bring its own pain. We found the ‘Service for an Infant who has died near the time of birth’ from A Prayer Book for Australia to be a very helpful resource. The service is incredibly thoughtful, gentle and sensitive, removing the fear of unintentionally resorting to unhelpful clichés.

We also created a time of ‘active reflection’ for people to move through three different areas; at first picking up a rock, then moving to place it at the foot of the cross and lighting a candle, and then finishing by taking a felted coloured heart. Those present at the service were encouraged to move through the stations at their own pace and in the order that made most sense for them.

In a neighbouring parish Hannah Gregory held a similar service at St. Clement’s, Huntly. She reflected; “we had a small and intimate service where we were able to reflect on our experiences and feelings and bring them before Christ. One person said afterwards that it was so important for us to hold this space for people like him who have nowhere else to talk about these issues, and could we make sure we do it again next year.”

If this perspective resonates with you, or perhaps speaks to the experiences of members of your congregation or community, I encourage you to think about holding your own service in October next year. If you’d like some help with resources please do get in touch.
If this is an experience that has touched your life and you’d like professional support please have a look at the following:

• Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support at www.sands.org.au or contact their bereavement telephone line on 1300 308 307.
• Red Nose Grief and Loss at www.rednosegriefandloss.org.au.